THE end is nigh, as Swift Half has tediously warned over and over again.
And now it seems the Government, if no one else, has finally listened to our doom-mongering and taken action by sending a list of essential items that every home should be hoarding for when the apocalypse comes.
At first glance it seems to cover what you’d need for the first few days of watching nervously for psychopathic zombies coming down the path.
It advises the following on the new ‘Get prepared for emergencies’ page on the Government website:
- Battery or wind-up torch – torches are safer than candles.
- Portable power bank for charging your mobile phone.
- Battery or wind-up radio to get updates during a power cut – a car radio can be used, however in severe weather it might be safer to stay inside.
- Spare batteries for torches and radio and a backup battery for any medical equipment you rely on.
- A first aid kit (or some first aid items) including items such as waterproof plasters, bandages, a thermometer, antiseptic, eyewash solution, sterile dressings and gloves, medical tape for dressings, and tweezers.
- Hand sanitiser and wet wipes for hygiene purposes when the water is off.
- Bottled water – there is no standard figure for this as emergencies can vary in duration and people use different amounts. A minimum of 2.5-3 litres of drinking water per person per day is recommended by the World Health Organisation for survival. 10 litres per person per day will make you more comfortable by also providing for basic cooking and hygiene needs. Additional water might be needed to make up baby formula, for medical devices and for pets.
- Non-perishable food that doesn’t need cooking, such as ready-to-eat tinned meat, fruit or vegetables (and a tin opener). As with water, how much you need will vary based on your own circumstances. Don’t forget food for pets.
- Baby supplies such as nappies and baby formula – ready made or ‘ready-to-feed’ formula is best as you may not be able to boil water
However, there do seem a few glaring omissions. Toilet roll could be nice we feel, especially due to the stomach turbulence that dealing with end of the world might bring. Wet wipes are good, but can be prone to making matters worse.
More importantly, vast amounts of booze. We realise that may be problematic if, like Swift Half, booze is not something you store, but merely drink.
Others, with perhaps more expertise, have suggested a gas powered generator and a face mask, so you can relive the golden age of lockdown once again.
Professor Robert Handfield also told the Mail that a chainsaw is a must have for anyone expecting the demise of civilisation as we know it.
Not to deal with the imminent zombie invasion, or to behead the robotic armies that are likely to displace us on Earth, but to chop up trees that may have fallen our homes.
The professor of supply chain management at North Carolina State University explained: “Some people often carry a chainsaw if you are in a neighborhood with a lot of trees. If they fall on to your home, it’s important to get them off.”
While the thought of life as we know approaching its imminent finale, the idea of being locked up with a few crates of wine, a mask and a chainsaw does provide us with some comfort. Especially if we’ve got some wet wipes…
